it's Nancy May in Doing it Best With Eldercare Success.

Every day has its opportunity to learn something new when you're a

caregiver, and even when you're not.

I love learning, and I'm hoping you do too.

Well, I'm guessing you do.

But the stress and strain of caregiving is sometimes not the kind of lesson

you want to learn from, or the type of experience you want to learn from.

It's not easy,

and I understand that.

But my job here is to make it just a little bit easier, if not a lot

easier, for you and your family.

I want to share a conversation that I recently had with a potential caregiver.

And we all are, at some point in our lives, whether we want to go there or not.

in this particular case, this fellow was trying to figure out

how to help his mom and dad.

Dad was taking care of mom, some early signs of maybe some cognitive issues

with him, and mom was really having some hard time with some form of dementia.

I hate to say Alzheimer's because it didn't sound like it had been

officially diagnosed, but there were definitely some issues going on.

Mom and dad wanted to stay at home, which you can greatly appreciate.

None of us really wants to be kicked out of our home, forced out of our

home, or forced to move into someplace that we don't feel comfortable in.

And that's not true of everybody.

A lot of people do like to go to social environments and care facilities.

But that's for another story.

In this particular case, he said, we're looking to hire an aide.

And we're going to build a small house or cabin on the property, which they

had enough of, good acreage, good rural environment, and that's great.

But he said, I wanted to hire one person, move them in or give them an opportunity

to live partially rent free or rent free on the property and care for mom.

My reaction?

What on earth are you thinking about?

he was stunned.

He and his family thought this was a great idea.

Somebody could get a nice house, a home, and be there devoted to

their mom and eventually dad.

Here's the problem with that, and there's several.

The first is, you've just moved somebody into your house, whether it's

an apartment, or into your home, or your parent's home, that you're not

exactly sure what their background is.

Even if you do a background check, that only gives you a

partial picture of the real story.

and if you have no experience, Or little experience, interviewing somebody to

really get at the details of who they are, how they behave, their morals and

what their professional background is.

Then you're running blind.

the second point is, if you move somebody in, and all of a sudden things don't work

out, they don't work out with your mom, they don't work with your dad, you're

concerned about the quality of care that's going on, or there's some personality

thing that's just not happening right, try to get them moved out.

Not easy to do, and you, that's not easy to do.

And quite frankly, it's not fair to that caregiver.

I recently heard of another family who had moved a caregiver all the way

from the West Coast to the East Coast.

In a similar situation, they moved her in, and it didn't work out for

them, and it didn't work out for her.

Now, not only had that individual or that caregiver moved from

their own home, a territory and an environment that they knew, into a

stranger's environment, and now had to leave and wasn't sure where to go.

Most families don't even consider that.

The third point is now that now you've moved somebody in.

What happens if they get sick?

What happens if they get tired?

What happens if the situation with your mom or your dad or your loved one

changes where they're just not competent and capable of handling the changes

in the lifestyle or the healthcare environment situations of your loved one?

Not good.

Not good for you, not good for mom and dad, not good for them.

And I say not good for them because this is important.

When you're employing or bringing on a caregiver, you really do

have to consider their life too.

It's not fair to them if you don't do that.

You are, I'd say, a team in making sure the quality of life of your

loved one is strong and healthy and good right to that very last breath.

And you want to make sure that they're with you too.

So, these are just three points as to why I recommend you have more than one.

Ideally, a minimum of three, four, we had six.

the reason why we had six is that it gives everybody a chance to have their own life.

And if something's not working out, one down is not that much

of a deal to a team of five.

Schedules change, lives change, people get sick, mom and dad's situation

change, and your situation change.

And your situation changes.

Mom and Dad's situation changes, and your situation changes.

Six sounds like a lot, but it's really not.

And if you're relying on hiring aides independently, which is all okay, we did

that, or through an agency, you have to understand the difference between hiring

yourself and working with an agency.

And there are big differences, believe me.

so those are just a few tips, how to make sure that you're looking at the

whole issue of bringing a caregiver or an aid into your home with the

right set of balance for you, for your parents or loved one and for the aid.

That's important.

You want a good relationship with them just as much as you

want a good relationship right to that very end and that last

breath, as I say, with your folks.

Why?

Because every day counts for them, for you, and for the aid,

if you've got the right one.

Now, that's not it for Eldercare Success.

There's a lot more that's going on in store here.

And if you're caring for a loved one, chances are you're going to

have to dial 9 1 1 at some point.

So please, I highly recommend that you get the book, How to Survive 9

1 1 Medical Emergencies, a step by step guide before, during, and after.

I've written this book with my partner, my husband, and with many others

who have been there down this road.

He was, my husband was a first responder at one point in his life too.

Doctors, trauma surgeons, aides, practitioners, and those who

are attorneys, accountants, and others who have been in this

life experience themselves.

I guarantee it's a tool that will be of value to you and to those that you love.

It will make your life easier.

So that's it for another quick episode of Doing it Best With Eldercare Success.

As I always like to say, please, if you like this show, share it with a

friend, a family member, or somebody maybe that you just meet online at

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts, who looks like they're under a little bit of

strain, and could use some help, why?

Because it can be your gift to them, and it's our gift to you.

We'll see you soon on Eldercare Success on YouTube, or we'll hear

you soon at EldercareSuccess.

live, the podcast.

Take care.

Bye bye.

Love to you all.